Israel warns EU to tone down its criticism

The warning came after EU's commissioner for external relations, Benita Ferrero-Waldner, this week criticized Israel's refusal to endorse a Palestinian state. She said an upgrade in Israeli-EU relations would depend on Israel's commitment to the "two-state solution."

And we all know how committed Hamas is to a two-state solution. The hypocrisy here should win some sort of award.
--Max

Seder in the White House, Oy Vey

Carol Schwartz has a different view of Obama's photo-op Seder...

For those of us whose memory is longer than a week, we recognize this "act of brotherly love" as not quite "different" at all. Jewish history tells us that when we are warmly welcomed into the arms of countries in which we have been exiled, our downfall in those "host cultures" cannot be far behind.

Read the rest.

Auschwitz message in a bottle

Workers demolishing the wall of a building that once belonged to the former Nazi Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp have found a message in a bottle written by prisoners 65 years ago.


Poignant story, though lacking in details at this time. Click here.

What Israel's Arab neighbors grasp that the Obama administration won't

Caroline Glick -- always sharp though (frequently long-winded) -- scores again with this biting commentary:

It is a strange situation when Egypt and Jordan feel it necessary to defend Israel against American criticism. But this is the situation in which we find ourselves today.

Read the rest...

Elie Wiesel Verbally Abused as "Zio-Nazi" by Ahmadinejad Entourage

Wiesel was dignified and silent in the face of these scumbags. These are the guys, though, who control the UN.

Hate-Filled Bizarros Boycotting Starbucks

If these hate-filled morons ever took the time to actually research anything, they'd find that the original Starbucks logo featured a mermaid with breasts, but that she has been made more modest through the years. The truth, however, would interfere with their bizarro, poison-filled point of view.

The Execution

These eyewitness accounts of Jewish life under the Nazis are very sad but also very important.

Today, the sixth of June, is a day the Jews of Shavli can never forget. We will forever be haunted by the memories of that awful day, six years ago, when Betzalel M., of blessed memory, was brought from his six-day imprisonment to be publicly murdered in the ghetto.

American Christian building Jewish library in Lithuania

An American Christian of British and Irish descent has embarked on an ambitious project to create a Jewish library in Vilnius (Vilna), whose legendary Jewish community was virtually wiped out by the Nazis in Lithuania.

Wyman Brent, a 45-year-old Baptist originally from Lynchburg, Va., is using his own funds to build the library, but his project is backed by a corps of supporters ranging from British historian Sir Martin Gilbert to the co-founder of the National Organization for Women, Sonia Pressman Fuentes.

"I've always loved libraries and I'm fascinated with Jewish culture," said Brent, who hopes to have the library up and running by 2010, the 65th anniversary of the end of World War II.

Read more about this wonderful project.

The Last Jew in Afghanistan

This short documentary, on the NY Times web site, doesn't establish why this guy is staying despite his isolation, but it's interesting nonetheless.

Of course, the Taliban ransacked the synagogue.

Will Hillary Fund Hamas?

A House subcommittee challenged Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Thursday for seeking the flexibility to support a potential Palestinian coalition government that she acknowledges may never materialize. The stumbling block for Rep. Steve Rothman, D-N.J., and several other Democrats and Republicans on the subcommittee that funds the State Department was whether members of the Iranian-backed Islamic [terrorist] group Hamas could end up in a government that gets U.S. aid.

"We intend to hold any entity that receives American aid to a very high standard," said Clinton.

Where does Hillary get her credentials on assessing high standards? Certainly not from her husband's administration.
--Max

The teenager who exposed Auschwitz

This month marks the 65th anniversary of a daring escape from Auschwitz, by a teenager who then revealed the truth about the death camp - only to be ignored by the Allied leadership.

In March 1944, the Germans occupied Hungary and began preparing to deport that country's Jews - numbering approximately 750,0000 - to Auschwitz. A 19-year-old prisoner named Rudolf Vrba, together with fellow-inmate Alfred Wetzler, decided to do something that almost nobody had ever done before: escape from Auschwitz. They were determined to alert the world about the doom that Hungarian Jews would soon face.

Nothing (humor)

One Yom Kippur, in a little Orthodox shul, the rabbi stops in the middle of the service, prostrates himself beside the bima, and cries out, “O G-d. Before You, I am nothing!”

The chazen is so moved by this demonstration of piety that he immediately follows suit, throwing himself to the floor beside the rabbi and crying, 'O G-d! Before you, I am nothing!”

In the ensuing silence, a shuffling is heard in the back row. Saul Blumenthal jumps from his seat, prostrates himself in the isle and cries, “O G-d! Before You, I am nothing!”

Seeing this, the chazen nudges the rabbi and whispers, “So, look who thinks he’s nothing.”

Iran's Drive for Nukes: Point of No Return?

Nothing new here, but a compelling video nonetheless from the AJC. Please share it with your friends.

World's Racist-in-Chief

Good writing by someone at the AJC...

April 20, 2009 – Geneva – AJC, reacting to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's anti-Semitic speech today at the Durban Review Conference, denounced the Iranian leader as the "world's racist-in-chief."

"It's a sad day when the UN gives an advocate of genocide the spotlight at a supposed anti-racism conference – on the eve of Holocaust Remembrance Day, no less," said AJC Executive Director David Harris, who is in Geneva with a large group of AJC activists. "Ahmadinejad has repeatedly called for the destruction of another UN member state, Israel, and trampled on the human rights of his own people. He makes a mockery of the struggle against racism."

AJC commended those delegations, including several European countries and Morocco, that walked out of the hall in protest during Ahmadinejad's remarks.

Harris continued, "These nations have sent a message that Holocaust denial and incitement to genocide are unacceptable to the community of civilized nations. We hope they will now consider joining the nine countries that commendably avoided the conference from the start."

Before his departure from Tehran, Ahmadinejad again accused "Zionists" of controlling global financial markets, media, and politics, returning to a familiar theme for the "world's racist-in-chief."

Link to AJC

Soviet Era Humor

Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian government:

Govt. Official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?"

No reply.

Government official asks the question again.

And still not reply.

Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater."

Why Some Self-Loathing Jews Didn't Celebrate Passover

Did you observe Passover? The Huffington Post (April 9) headlined a piece by Rabbi Michael Lerner, "Pharaohs Can't Celebrate Passover." If you supported Israel's Gaza war, the pharaoh is you. According to several recent political cartoons, if you support Israel, Hitler is you, too. The rest of the article is here.

This type probably would have joined with the Nazis in blaming Kristallnacht on the Jews.

Jew or Not Jew

This site is written factually but with a strong dose of humor, including the author's personal likes and dislikes about the various people profiled. Be sure to check the "About the Jew Score" link (lower left on home page) before reading the profiles. http://www.jewornotjew.com/index.jsp

Holocaust-Denier Kicks Off UN Anti-Racism Conference

You have to give Ahmadinejad and friends credit for balls, and for being consistent adherents to the Nazis' "Big Lie" strategy.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's appearance in Geneva Monday at the UN's so-called anti-racism conference, Durban II, made the point better than anyone else...The "Zionist regime" had been created "on the pretext of Jewish sufferings and the ambiguous and dubious question of holocaust."

Nice commentary by Anne Bayefsky

Tattoos from Auschwitz horror bring late-life joy

As terrified teenagers 65 years ago, Menachem Sholowicz and Anshel Sieradzki stood one ahead of the other in Auschwitz, having serial numbers tattooed on their arms. Sholowicz was B-14594; Sieradzki was B-14595.

The two Polish Jews had never met, they never spoke and they were quickly separated. Each survived the Nazi death camp, moved to Israel, married, and became grandfathers. They didn't meet again until a few weeks ago, having stumbled upon each other through the Internet. Late in life, the two men speak daily, suddenly partners who share their darkest traumas.

"We are blood brothers," said Sieradzki, 81. "The moment I meet someone who was there with me, who went through what I went through, who saw what I saw, who felt what I felt - at that moment we are brothers."

The twist of fate doesn't end there. Two brothers who were with them in the tattooist's line have made contact since hearing of their story. The story continues here...

Never Since the 1930s

Eloquent op-ed piece from the Jerusalem Post...

"In those days before the war," Chaim Weizmann said in recalling international vexation with the Jews, "our protests were regarded as provocations. Our very refusal to subscribe to our own death sentence became a public nuisance."

Words that could be spoken today.

Read the full text.

Holcaust Education Links

Holocaust Remembrance Day is Tuesday, April 21, 2009. This website has 167 links to learn about the Holocaust. Site languages include English, Hebrew, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Russian and Spanish.

The web address is:

http://www.jr.co.il/hotsites/j-holoc.htm

Classified Ad (humor)

In the University of Texas student newspaper: Sweet, little old Jewish lady wishes to correspond with UT undergraduate. Prefers six-foot male with brown eyes answering to initials J.D.B.
Signed, His Mother

The Anti-Madoff

If someone can give me the source for this article, I will edit it down to a few sentences and link to the original...


Leonard Abess Jr.
The Jewish banker who gave away $60 million of his own money

It is February 24, 2009 and Leonard Abess Jr. is seated beside Michelle Obama in the gallery of the Chamber of the United States House of Representatives, the guest of the First Lady, as her husband, President Barack Obama addresses a joint session of Congress in a nationally televised speech. The members of Congress, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the sitting Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States rise, face Abess and break out into admiring applause. They have just heard President Obama say:

“…inspiration often comes not from those with the most power or celebrity, but
from the dreams and aspirations of Americans who are anything but ordinary.
I think about Leonard Abess, the bank president from Miami who reportedly
cashed out of his company, took a $60 million bonus and gave it out to all 399
people who worked for him, plus another 72 who used to work for him. He didn’t
tell anyone, but when the local newspaper found out, he simply said, ‘I knew
some of these people since I was 7 years old. I didn’t feel right getting the money
myself’.”

Leonard Abess is Jewish. Why do I accentuate this? Because of the proclivity of those who view Bernie Madoff as that ‘Jewish’ fraudster. No one refers to Jeffrey Skilling or Bernard Ebers or Dennis Kozlowski as that ‘Gentile’ crook. So I choose to emphasize the Jewishness of one who does good.

The City National Bank of Florida, the second oldest commercial bank in Miami, was established, with $500,000 of capital, in 1946 by Abess’ father, Leonard L. Abess Sr., an accountant and his partner Baron de Hirsch Meyer, a lawyer.

The senior Abess, who passed away in 2001, arrived in Miami in 1925 with $75 in his pocket. The following year he met Meyer at a party and that same night they formed a 48-year partnership with a promise that they would always return a share of their earnings to the community. Abess Sr. became a pillar of the Jewish community and a generous supporter of both Jewish and universal causes ranging from the University of Miami to the Jewish Museum of Florida. He and his wife were named Miami-Dade County, Philanthropists of the Year for 1990-91 and both a boulevard and a park are named after him.

Baron de Hirsch Meyer was not really a baron but was a Jewish guy from Wisconsin. His parents named their son after the original Baron de Hirsch the noted Jewish philanthropist who was instrumental in securing the emigration of Jews from tsarist Russia. The absence of a genuine title did not deter Meyer’s wife from signing into European hotels as the ‘Baroness’ de Hirsch Meyer.

Leonard Abess Jr. started his career in City National Bank’s print shop making forms and documents and worked his way up the corporate ladder from there but he did not inherit the Bank from his father. The Bank was sold to an investor group in the early 1980s that in turn flipped majority interest to Colombian coffee magnate Alberto Duque. Duque turned out to be a crook who was convicted and jailed for defrauding 20 banks out of $125 million dollars by issuing fake bills of lading drawn on nonexistent inventories of coffee beans. Duque’s interest in the Bank went up for sale in bankruptcy proceedings from where in 1985 it was purchased by Abess for $21 million, all of it borrowed. He later purchased the minority interest in the Bank for another $6 million.

At the age of 35, Leonard Abess became one of America’s youngest bank chairmen. Under Abess’ steerage, the Bank grew from seven branches with $400 million in assets to 18 branches with $2.75 billion in assets and consistently ranked in the top 50 of all large U.S. banks in terms of profitability and asset quality.

As the Bank grew so did Abess’ community involvement. He is Vice Chairman of the University of Miami’s Board of Trustees, former Chairman of the Board of Mount Sinai Medical Centre, member of the United Way Million Dollar Roundtable, Board member of The Greater Miami Jewish Federation and a member of its Summit Division, those who donate over $100,000 a year to the United Jewish Appeal. A devoted environmentalist, Abess has endowed millions of dollars for environmental studies. Following in his parent’s footsteps, Leonard and his wife, Jayne were named Miami-Dade County, Philanthropists of the Year for 2001-02.

Over the years many suitors had attempted to purchase City National Bank but all were rebuffed by Abess. That is until Caja Madrid, the second largest bank in Spain, came along and made Abess an offer he could not refuse. They would permit Abess to maintain a minority interest and continue to run the Bank, the jobs of all employees would be secure and Caja Madrid shared Abess’ philosophy of giving a substantial amount of their profits back to the community. And so in 2008, Abess sold an 83% interest in City National Bank to Caja Madrid for $977 million.

Abess had long dreamt of a way to reward the employees of the Bank who had worked with no promise of equity and whose 401(k) Retirement Plans were now ravaged by the stock market meltdown. He thought he would surprise them. He never believed that the Bank’s success was about him but rather was about the 399 wonderful, decent people who worked for him. Some had spent their entire careers at the Bank, several rising from low-level jobs to vice-presidential positions. “I saw that if the president doesn’t come to work, it’s not a big deal. But if the teller doesn’t show up, it’s a serious problem”, he stated. Some warned him that dropping large cheques on the employees was not a good idea but Abess did not listen.

So, what Leonard Abess did was simply take $60 million of his own money and quietly hand it out to all 399 people who worked for him; clerks, tellers, bookkeepers, secretaries, janitors, executives, everyone on the payroll. He even tracked down 72 former employees so that they might share in the largesse. The amount each received was based on the number of years of service. The average bonus exceeded $100,000.

Fearful that his employees might misconstrue the bonuses as severance, immediately before the sale of the Bank was completed, in order to announce the payments, Abess made an online video explaining to the Bank’s staff that each was to receive a payment as gratitude for service and that all jobs were secure. Three days later, senior executives handed out vouchers detailing the amount deposited to each employee’s payroll account.

Abess didn’t publicize what he had done and did not make a big deal over the payments. He didn’t even show up at the Bank the day the bonus envelopes were distributed.

At a time when the heads of the American big three automakers were flying to Washington in their private corporate jets to beg for bailout money; when the senior executives of banks were taking obscene bonuses while their banks were failing; when the greed and recklessness of Wall Street was one of the causes of the economic tailspin, Abess, against type, was giving back. The actions of Leonard Abess Jr. stand for confirmation that the days of Gordon Gekko, the “greed is good” character in the movie “Wall Street”, are drawing to a close.

According to the ancient Jewish fable of the “Lamed-Vav Tzadikim”, there are at all times 36 righteous people whose role in life is to justify the purpose of humankind in the eyes of God. For the sake of these 36, God preserves the world even if the rest of humanity has degenerated to the level of barbarism. They are unknown even to each other and to themselves. If the identity of one is discovered, he may no longer be a Lamed-Vavnik and if at any time the number should be less than 36, the world will come to an end. While it may be okay to speculate who any of these righteous people might be, out of cautious fear of calamity, I dare not mention the name, Leonard Abess Jr.

Explaining Talmud (humor, in a way)

"Rabbi," the man said, "Explain the Talmud to me."

"Very well," he said. "First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

"The dirty one," answers the man.

"No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes himself." "Now, another question: If two men climb up a chimney and
one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

The man smiles and says, "You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean washes himself because he thinks he is dirty."

"No," says the Rabbi. "If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows he doesn't have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself." "Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes
out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

"I don't know, Rabbi. Depending on your point of view, it could be either one."

Again the Rabbi says, "No. If two men climb up a chimney, how could one man remain clean? They both are dirty, and they both wash themselves."

The confused man said, "Rabbi, you asked me the same question three times and you gave me three different answers. Is this some kind of a joke?"

"This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud."

Powerful Rebbes (humor)

Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: "My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle." To which the second retorted, "That's nothing. My rebbe is even more powerful. He was walking once, and there was a huge mountain in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was mountain on the right, mountain on the left, but no mountain in the middle!" Said the third, "Ha! That is still nothing! My rebbe is the most powerful. He was walking once on Shabbos (Saturday, the holy day in Judaism, on which it is forbidden to handle money), and there was a suitcase crammed full of cash in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and it was Shabbos on the right, Shabbos on the left, but in the middle, it was Monday!"

Obama Demotes the Jews

Edward Alexander has a great piece. in Commentary...

In his inaugural address President Obama jettisoned the long-established locution that embodies the generally-accepted notion of "the Judeo-Christian tradition." That tradition, in America, mandates the phrase "Christians and Jews," with Christians in first place for the good reason that the roots of this country and most of those who founded it are Christian. Obama, however, said on January 20 that "We are a nation of Christians and Muslims," and then, after a slight pause, "Jews and Hindus," another slight pause, "and unbelievers." Later, in his Al-arabiya interview, he demoted the Jews still further, calling America a country of "Muslims, Christians, Jews." Obama's actions (and inactions) with respect to Jewish concerns suggest that this demotion is real and not merely verbal.

He concludes with something I can't top:

James Baker once, with typical nastiness, alluded to it when he responded to expressions of American-Jewish unhappiness with his Middle East policies as follows: "F- the Jews, they don't vote for us anyway." Now Barack Obama seems to be saying: "F- the Jews, they always vote for us anyway."

Read the full piece here.

List of Yiddish Words and Expressions

This is a wonderful and lengthy compilation of Yiddish terms. Don't be a schmuck; check it out!

Why Boycott Israel? (A blogger's detailed response)

Michael Horesh lays out all the trendy reasons for boycotting Israeli products and exposes the hypocrisy behind them. He concludes, "History will judge any future boycott as a triumph of evil; a deliberately racist tool, based on a combination of misinformation, phobias and enmity."

Personally, I think he is too kind in giving many of the boycott pushers the benefit of the doubt when it comes to anti-semitic leanings.
--Max

Camel (humor)

An American Jew immigrates to Israel, settles in
Tel-Aviv, and gets an office job. After awhile he
feels as if he's missing out on all the local color
of being in the Middle East. So he buys a camel,
and rides it to work every day, while Israelis whiz
pass him on the highway in their cars.

One day his camel is stolen, so he goes to report
it to the police. The policeman takes out a 'missing
camel' form and starts to ask questions.

"This camel of yours, what color was it?"

The man responds, "Well, it was sort of gray...
kind of brown... I don't really remember."

The policeman writes, 'Color:Unknown'.

"How many humps did the camel have?"

"Well...it's hard to say...I had a saddle on it and
I couldn't tell the number of humps."

The officer writes, 'Humps: unknown'.

"What sex was the camel?"

The man responds, "it was a male."

The cop asks," You didn't know what color it
was, or how many humps it had, so how do
you know the sex?"

The man responds, "That's easy! Because every
time I would ride him to work down the highway,
every Israeli who saw us go by would say, 'Look
at the big schmuck on the camel!.'"

Obama Apologizes and Apologizes

Excellent commentary from Carolyn Glick...


Somewhere between apologizing for American history — both distant and recent; genuflecting before the unelected, bigoted king of Saudi Arabia; announcing that he will slash the US's nuclear arsenal, scrap much of America's missile defense programs and emasculate the US Navy; leaving Japan to face North Korea and China alone; telling the Czechs, Poles and their fellow former Soviet colonies, "Don't worry, be happy," as he leaves them to Moscow's tender mercies; humiliating Iraq's leaders while kowtowing to Iran; preparing for an open confrontation with Israel; and thanking Islam for its great contribution to American history, President Obama made clear to the world's aggressors that America will not be confronting them for the foreseeable future.

Click here to read the full article.

Roger The Tool's Latest Idiocy

Ed Lasky has a nice piece today on Roger The Tool:

"Roger Cohen's serial work on behalf of an Iranian regime widely considered the number one sponsor of terror in the world (so designated by President Clinton, before the "axis of evil days") is becoming tiresome.

Today, he serves as a mouthpiece not just for Iran but for the feckless Mohammed El-Baradei, the outgoing head of the International Atomic Energy Agency. El-Baradei and Cohen blame George Bush's treatment of Iran for prompting it to develop its nuclear weapons program. This is absurd, of course.

Iran's nuclear program began at least two decades ago."

It's hard for me to figure exactly what Cohen is:
a. A stupid ostrich
b. A self-loathing Jew
c. A secret lobbyist for Iran
d. Just another NY Times reporter

Well, for sure, he's dangerous for Israel.

--Max

The Convert (humor)

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a king who had
a Jewish advisor. The king relied so much on the wisdom of his
Jewish advisor that one day he decided to elevate him to head
advisor. After it was announced, the other advisors objected.
After all, it was bad enough just to sit in counsel with a Jew.
But to allow one to 'Lord it over them,' was just too much to bear.

Being a compassionate ruler, the King agreed with them, and ordered
the Jew to convert. What could the Jew do? One had to obey the King,
and so he did. As soon as the act was done, the Jew felt great
remorse for this terrible decision. As days became weeks, his remorse
turned to despondency, and as months passed, his mental depression
took its toll on his physical health. He became weaker and weaker.
Finally he could stand it no longer. His mind was made up. He burst
in on the king and cried, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I must die.
Do what you want with me, but I can no longer deny my faith."

The King was very surprised. He had no idea that the Jew felt so
strongly about it. "Well, if that is how you feel," he said, "then
the other advisors will just have to learn to live with it.
Your counsel is much too important to me to do without.
Go and be a Jew again" he said.

The Jew felt elated. He hurried back home to tell the good news
to his family. He felt the strength surge back into his body as
he ran. Finally, he burst into the house and called out to his wife.
"Rifka, Rifka, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again."
His wife GLARED back at him angrily and said, "You couldn't wait
until after Passover?"

Matzoh for Lunch (humor)

A Jewish man took his Pesach lunch to eat outside in the park.  He sat down on a bench and began eating.
A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.  

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzoh to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers over the matzoh for 
a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this nonsense?"

Jews Portrayed as Blood Drinkers in Arab Play

The latest at MEMRI shows what passes for art in the depraved, hate-filled "culture" of Hamasistan. These excerpts are from a drama show presented at the Gaza Islamic University, during a festival commemorating Hamas founder Ahmad Yassin. The show aired on Al-Aqsa TV on April 4, 2009.

"You Must Drink From the Blood of Muslims. But Mix It With Soda Water"

"We Jews hate the Muslims. We love killing Muslims. We Jews love drinking the blood of Muslims and the blood of Arabs. Are you Arabs? Are you Muslims? I hate you. Yes, I hate you. I hate you in order to please God. In order to please God. In order to please God."

To view this clip, click here.

Seder Pick-Up Lines

Seder pickup lines:

Let's make this night really different from all others nights

What will you do to me for two zuzim?

What's a girl like you doing at a seder like this?

We've only got 18 minutes....

I like my matzah thin, like my women.

Maybe when Elijah comes, we can make it a threesome

I hear that horseradish is an aphrodisiac

Nice Hagadah

After four cups of wine, you look like Cindy Crawford

Honey, on this night we are supposed to recline, so let's get to it.

Seder? I hardly know her.

I bet I could make you sing Dayenu!

I've got four of my own terms for redemption

Did that just say we were in bondage?

I could never Pass you Over...

Don't call it a bitter herb until you taste it.

You're a 10 in my haggadah

Frogs.....ever kiss a frog?

I'm going to have to search you for chometz

How's about we go re-live the "Darkness" plague up in my room.

I'm like one of the four sons; let me show you how wicked I can be.

Israel tests system to shoot down Iranian missiles

Of course, if Israel ever actually shot one down, the UN would condemn it as the aggressor against a poor, defenseless, "homemade" missile.

Here's the story.

The man who did for matzoh what Henry Ford did for cars

One of the world's top matza manufacturers got started with a simple premise: "I'm going to bake matzas this year. ...We'll see how it goes."

That's what 19th century Rabbi Dov Behr Manischewitz is said to have told his wife after they arrived in America, Jewish immigrants from Lithuania struggling to survive and to create something new.

In 1888, he founded the company that revolutionized production of the unleavened bread at the core of Jewish ritual meals, turning it into a mass-marketed, packaged product.

A Year in Treblinka

My grandfather said the Jewish newspapers had accounts of the Holocaust long before the war was over. Here is one.

The Jewish Knight (humor)

Old but appropriate...

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is
to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps
him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he
panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then,
thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a
foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder: "Ma
nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this
knight different from all other knights?"

Misguided Jews Urge Boycott of Israeli Passover Wines

Hundreds of supporters from Toronto's Jewish community descended upon the Summerhill LCBO to promote the sale of Israeli wine for Passover celebrations, Sunday, April 5, 2009. About 30 Palestinian sympathizers from the Jewish community called for a boycott of the wine.

Misguided is the nicest word we can use for them. They must be dutiful readers of the NY Times. --Max

Israeli and Palestinians Cooperate...To Rob A Bank

An Israeli and a group of Palestinians last week set aside their differences in order to carry out an armed bank robbery, Palestinian police said.

The heist at a bank in the West Bank town of Ramallah on Tuesday (local time) was carried out by six armed gunmen who made off with some $US30,000 ($43,000) according to security officials.

If only Hamas was so far-thinking. -- Max

How to Break a Matzoh Exactly in Half

Leave it to the Japanese. Watch the demonstration; no knowledge of Japanese required.

NYT Equates Photo Retouching in Israel with Flogging A Woman in Pakistam

The NY Times is just relentless in its campaign to demonize Israel.

It carried a story with the headline: "Women Erased in Israel, Flogged in Pakistan and Restricted in Afghanistan." The Israel piece is that "Israeli newspapers 'aimed at ultra-Orthodox Jewish readers' digitally manipulated a photograph of the new Israeli government, to remove two female cabinet ministers," because Ultra-Orthodox newspapers consider it immodest to print images of women. The Pakistan story involves a woman flogged 34 times in front of a crowd.

Yeah, those are equivalent.

Read the commentary here.

If the Passover Story Were Reported by The New York Times

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness,
the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.

The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery.

"The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments. "The Egyptians are really a very nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable once you get to know him," gushes Shapiro.

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive.

"Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah
declared.

The Five- Minute Haggadah

Found in my e-mail...

The Five- Minute Haggadah: A Passover service for the impatient

By Michael Rubiner

Opening prayers:

Thanks, G-d, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:

1. What's up with the matzoh?

2. What's the deal with horseradish?

3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?

4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.

2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.

3. It's called symbolism.

4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

Wise child—explain Passover.

Simple child—explain Passover slowly.

Silent child—explain Passover loudly.

Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. G-d brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. G-d parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":

If G-d had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If He'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough. If He'd parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch. Thanks again, G-d, for everything.

SERVE MEAL.

Passover Cuisine

For Passover, I would eat potato latkes for all eight days if my wife would make them. Usually, however, I have to beg her to prepare them even once. I'm pretty good at begging, though.

There are some tasty alternatives, and Ethel Hofman at Jewish World Review has a bunch of them, including Moroccan Charoses and Almond Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms.

I'm going to send these recipes to my wife right now!

Four Old Jewish Ladies (humor)

Four Jewish ladies were sitting around playing Mah Jongg. The first
lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all for such a long
time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a
kleptomaniac. But don't worry, I have never stolen from any of you
and never will. We have been friends for too long."

One of the other ladies says, "Well, since we are having true
confessions, I am a nymphomaniac, but don't worry. I have not hit on
any of your husbands, and never will, they don't interest me. We have
been friends for too long."

Well, says the third lady, "I too must confess. The reason I never
married is that I am a lesbian, but don't worry. I will never hit on
any of you. We have been friends for too long, and I don't want to
ruin our friendship."

The fourth lady stands up and says, "I have a confession to make
also. I am a yenta, so please excuse me, I have a lot of calls to make."

NOTE: A "yenta" is someone who's always minding other people's business.

Louis Farrakhan Spews Hatred Yet Again

Here are some gems from his speech to the Nation of Islam Convention:

• Israelis are "Liars, thieves, murderers" who have "taken the position of God" and are out to "kill everybody."

• "[T]he Israeli lobby controls the government of the United States of America."

• "You cannot deny the pro-Israeli lobby and get reelected. Ask Cynthia McKinney. Ask David Hilliard. Ask our mayor in Oakland, California. Ask Percy, the former Senator. Ask Jimmy Carter. You can't criticize, you can't say nothin' because if you do, you're branded as an anti-Semite."

Read the full article on the ADL web site.

NY Times Defames Israel on Page 1, "Retracts" Story on Page 4

The Times has conducted a relentless campaign of vilifying Israel (while excusing Palestinian terrorism). The latest chapter involves to IDF "atrocities, which turned out to be mostly unsubstantiated rumor. That didn't stop The Times from featuring it on the front page three days in a row. It wasn't until a week later that the paper reported that most of what they wrote earlier was false, and they did it on page 4.

Here's a wonderful editorial on the issue.

More Upside Down Palestinian Logic

Palestinian political activists disbanded a youth orchestra in the West Bank city of Jenin after it performed a concert for Holocaust survivors in Israel earlier this week. The conductor has been banned from Jenin and the apartment where the orchestra rehearsed has been boarded up.

Hey, we're supposed to be about hate and death. Don't let us catch you ever, ever, ever reaching out to Jews again!

Garment Center Partners (humor)

Steinberg and Fleisher, partners in the garment industry, had just suffered through their worst season ever. Ten thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer.

Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia.

"I say there," he began, "you boys wouldn't have any madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere."

Steinberg said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal was made whereby the ten thousand jackets would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.

"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as planned."

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed slowly, with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would change his mind. Friday morning went by without incident. Steinberg and Fleisher were closing up shop when, at ten minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: ..."Telegram!"

The partners froze. Trembling, Fleisher grabbed the telegram and opened it. Suddenly, his face lit up.

"Steinberg, GREAT NEWS! Your sister died!"

Bizarro World v. Moral World

Commenting on the investigation into possible inhumane tactics employed by some members of the IDF, Jonathan Kay writes:

"Here, in a nutshell, is the difference between Israel and the terror-worshiping cultures that besiege it. When terrorists kill Israeli women and children with bombs or missiles, they regard it as a triumph worthy of celebration; sweets are passed out; the terrorists themselves are venerated as martyrs. When Israeli soldiers deliberately kill Arab women and children, on the other hand, most Israelis regard it as a disgusting aberration, and a legal investigation is launched."

As one of the heads of Hamas famously said, "You worship life while we worship death." Can peace ever be negotiated with such immoral people?

Click here for the full commentary.

European and Muslim leaders to launch Web site to fight anti-Semitism

Some nice news for a change...

Prominent figures from Europe and the Muslim world will launch this week a new Web site aimed at curbing Holocaust denial. The site will include a history of Muslim-Jewish relations in English, French, Arabic and Farsi, the project's organizers said.

The initiative, called Project Aladdin, hinges on the Internet site, which is also to carry a history of the Holocaust and offer online Arabic and Farsi translations of books including Anne Frank's Diary, the organizers said. Among those unveiling the project include Senegalese President Abdoulaye Wade, former French President Jacques Chirac and Abdurrahman Wahid, former president of Indonesia, the world's most populous Muslim nation.

Click here for the full story.