Redneck Goyim Do Hava Nagila

It gets pretty interesting about 1/3 of the way through when the head Gentile breaks out the fiddle.

Yiddish with Dick and Jane

Click here.

Dear Bintel Brief: My Husband's Atheism Is Cramping My Style

Dear Bintel Brief,

My husband and I had a Jewish home. We were active members of our synagogue and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. My husband recently declared himself an atheist and gave up on all things religious. I still want to light candles and celebrate Shabbat, have seders, etc., but he refuses to participate. His hostility has put a damper on my ardor. I don't want to be the only one in my home to keep up Jewish traditions. What should I do?

Read the answer.

Jews match boycotts with emails and spending

This is just smart...


A liquor store sells out of Israeli kosher wine. The Royal Ontario Museum sees a sudden surge in online ticket sales to its Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit.

Not the outcome one would expect from two recent boycotts meant to protest Israel's handling of the Palestine situation, but that's what happened – thanks to the power of the Internet and a change in course by the Jewish community.

Read the rest.

Palestinian TV Strikes Again: Kids' Show Glorifies Killing Jews

The Hamas TV children's program Tomorrow's Pioneers produced a special broadcast in which the two young children of a female suicide terrorist were invited to the TV studio to watch a video re-enactment of their mother's suicide bombing. The terrorist, Reem Riyashi, killed four Israelis in a suicide bombing in 2004.

Israeli Grows World's Largest Cucumber

Petah Tikva resident Yitzhak Yazdanpana has set the new world record for growing the longest cucumber. Working out of his home garden, Yazdanpana grew a three-foot, ten-inch long cucumber (about 117 cm). He said he didn't use any chemical fertilizers.

Yazdantana said on Tuesday that he hopes the cucumber will be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Jewish v. Goyish

"Jewish Vs. Goyish"

Judges Are Jewish
Juries Are Goyish

Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish
Using them is Goyish

Ordering family style is Jewish
Ordering a la carte is Goyish

Cruises are Jewish
Walking tours are Goyish

Laugh-In was Jewish
Hee Haw was Goyish

Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first,
is Jewish
Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish

Bunions are Jewish
Flat feet are Goyish

Simon Says is Jewish
The Hokey Pokey is Goyish

"Bewitched" is Jewish
"I Dream of Jeannie" is Goyish

The Limbo is Jewish
Line dancing is Goyish

Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish
Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish

Fruitcake is Goyish
Fruit and cake is Jewish

Reading "how-to" books is Goyish
Writing "how-to" books is Jewish

ESPN is Goyish
PBS is Jewish

Tiffany's is Goyish
Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish

Passing bars is Goyish
Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish

DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish
PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he's doing)
is Jewish

Mary Kay is Goyish
Murray the K is Jewish

The Chia pet infomercial is Goyish
Ronco spray-on hair is Jewish

Morbidly obese is Goyish
Baby fat is Jewish

NASCAR is Goyish. Period.

West Coast is Goyish
East Coast is Jewish

Lunch meat is Goyish
Deli is Jewish

White bread is Goyish
Rye is Jewish

Sushi is Jewish
Chopsticks are Goyish

Comforters are Goyish

Suspenders are Jewish

Waldbaum's was Jewish
A&P was Goyish.
(Now A&P is the parent company of Waldbaum's!)

Alan Sherman was Jewish
Weird Al Yankovic, not so much

Laughing at someone else's troubles is Goyish
Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish

"Youngsters" are Goyish,
"Kids" are Jewish

Buttering bread is Goyish;
Spreading margarine is Jewish

Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish
Standing and waving one's hands is Jewish

I have just one thing to say about the Heineken
can. Maybe beer is Goyish, but Freddie Heineken,
the founder of the Heineken Brewery in Amsterdam
(a very Jewish city) was a Jewish man...just thought
to tell you that...well, pointing this out is Jewish too
I think...

WWF is Goyish
the NBA is Jewish

Tattoos and piercing are Goyish
Diamonds and pearls are Jewish

Ham sandwiches are Goyish
Corned beef on rye is Jewish

White sox are Goyish
No sox are Jewish

Saving Money is Goyish
Investing money is Jewish

Snowmobiling is Goyish
Skiing is Jewish

Doing Landscaping is Goyish
Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish

Beer is Goyish
Wine is Jewish

Frizzy hair is Jewish
Stick straight flat hair is Goyish

A party that revolves around the buffet table
is Jewish
A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish!

Making lists of what's Jewish and what's not ..
well..... it is VERY VERY Jewish!!

Chavez Steps Up Attacks On Jews

From the beginning of his rule in Venezuela, Hugo Chavez has stridently criticized Israel. In recent months, Chavez has found a more vulnerable target: the Jewish population inside Venezuela.

Last week, an angry mob broke out in Miranda, Venezuela's second largest state. Reports indicate that the Mayor of Miranda's capital city incited an angry group of Chavez supporters to paint Nazi swastikas on the home of an anti-Chavez Jewish politician, Governor Henrique Capriles Radonski. "We are showing Capriles that …people are opposed to his continuous attacks against the initiatives and socialist projects of president Chávez," explained Los Teques Mayor Alirio Mendoza.

Read the rest.

Israeli Player Drafted in 1st Round of NBA Draft

Headlines in Maariv Friday declared, "History has been made," The Jerusalem Post said, "Israel's Omri Casspi picked in NBA draft, and Haaretz ran with the headline "Israeli basketball star Omri Casspi picked in first round of NBA draft."

Read the rest.

Kosher Teeth (humor)

Morris Rabinowitz in the late 1930's fled his native land of Germany . He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Morris explained.

"We Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."

The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

Morris then said "Vell, us very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.

The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

"Vell, to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich."

Memories of the Catskills, Part 4

Memories of the Catskills, Part 3

Memories of the Catskills, Part 2

Memories of the Catskills, Part 1

Malmo Sweden: Radical Islam Gains Huge Foothold (to the detriment of the city's Jews)

Elderly Women Get Bat Mitzvahs

Nice story...


http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4936197n

Cool Facts About Israel

With music...

AJC Ad in Today's Wall Street Journal

Very powerful. See and read the full ad here.

Alfred Hitchcok documentary on the Holocaust

Warning: Grisly images

WWII slave soldiers reunite after 64 years, prepare for honors

By Wayne Drash
CNN.com Senior Producer

ORLANDO, Florida (CNN) -- Samuel Fahrer and Sidney Lipson shake hands and smile. It's the first time the men have seen each other in 64 years. They were U.S. soldiers back on a forced death march in Nazi Germany in April 1945.

"How you doing?" Fahrer says.

It's a subdued moment for the two men. There are no tears, no pats on the back. The men have endured years of contained emotions from what happened six decades ago when they were prisoners of war and held as slaves inside Germany.

Read the rest.

Jewgle: Stop Searching and Call Your Mother

Click the links, then do a couple of searches.

Jewgle

Synagogues from Around the World and Israel

With musical accompaniment...

Mickey Katz sings "Duvid Crockett"

For the older folks in the audience and/or those who can understand a bit of Yiddish...

Jewish WAZZUP Commercial

If you haven't seen this before, it's very cute...

Jews In Space

In space no one can hear you scream. But can they hear you kvetch? Rabbis and academics are already concerning themselves with how Jews will live and thrive on other planets: how our concept of God might change and when we should light the Shabbos candles on Mars.

Read the rest

The UN (humor)

The U.N. went into emergency session Monday to deal with North Korea's nuclear blast. The North Koreans could wage a nuclear attack on South Korea or sell the nuclear bombs to Syria or Iran. After six hours of heated debate, the U. N. voted unanimously to censure Israel for digging a tomato garden in the backyard of a duplex. --Argus Hamilton

Beautiful Jewish Women in Show Biz

Explained: Simple, Medium, and Very Jewish

Cute bit...

Old Jews Telling Jokes

Just ordinary people telling jokes. Very cute.

http://www.oldjewstellingjokes.com/

A Seder With Brando and Dylan

Louis Kemp writes:

I will never forget the sight of our table in the synagogue, Marlon Brando was to my left and sitting next to him was his guest. This was during the height of Marlon’s involvement with Native American causes and he had brought with him noted Indian activist Dennis Banks of Wounded Knee fame. Banks was dressed in full Indian regalia: buckskin tassles on his clothes and long braids hanging down from a headband, which sported a feather. My childhood friend Bob Dylan sat to my right joined by his wife, my sister Sharon and other friends.

Read the rest.

Heil Hinkle: Scene from "The Great Dictator" starring Charlie Chaplin

1940

Harsh Reality re Arab Public Opinion and Israel's Right to Exist

As Obama rushes to orchestrate a two-state solution with terrorists, Tony Blankley reminds us of a poll taken earlier this decade...

"Which statement comes closest to your opinion? 1) A way can be found for the state of Israel to exist so that the rights and needs of the Palestinian people are taken care of OR, 2) the rights and needs of the Palestinian people cannot be taken care of as long as the state of Israel exists?"

• United States: 1) 67 percent, 2) 12 percent.
• France: 1) 82 percent, 2) 16 percent.
• Germany: 1) 80 percent, 2) 11 percent.
• Sweden: 1) 65 percent, 2) 12 percent.
• Britain: 1) 60 percent, 2) 12 percent.
• Israel: 1) 61 percent, 2) 31 percent.
• Morocco: 1) 23 percent, 2) 47 percent.
• Kuwait: 1) 21 percent, 2) 73 percent.
• Egypt: 1) 18 percent, 2) 80 percent.
• Jordan: 1) 17 percent, 2) 78 percent.
• Palestinian territories: 1) 16 percent, 2) 77 percent.

Read the rest.

Holocaust Rap

In Hebrew, with English subtitles. Very different.

Iranian "Scholar" Says Tom & Jerry is a Jewish Conspiracy

His ludicrous logic illustrates the depths to which Iranian culture has fallen.

Meet the Israelis

Source unknown (a few exaggerations in here, but mostly true)...

Israel is the only country in the world where one need not check the ingredients on the products in the supermarket to avoid ending up with things containing pork.

Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you look like you need it.

Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one cares what rules say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.

Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own children.

Israel is the only country in the world where "small talk" consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.

Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already so good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.

Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea.

Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a meal, rather than something one tosses into a martini.

Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to be able to dig a cellar without hitting ancient archeological artifacts.

Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in the country take buses.

Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in Hebrew.

Israel is the only country in the world where the "black folks" walking around all wear yarmulkes.

Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week, during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.

Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.

Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone "out for a drink" means drinking cola, coffee or tea.

Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah as they leave with their loot.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and admires the United States.

Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades ahead of Europe.

Israel is the only country in the world that has the weather and landscape of California without the earthquakes.

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign accent because everyone has a foreign accent.

Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.

Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting physicians end up giving the doctor advice.

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up conversations while waiting in lines.

Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attache case a "James Bond" and the "@" sign is called a "strudel".

Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most mysterious and mystical calm ambience in the streets on Yom Kippur, which cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.

History Lessons Unheeded

Melanie Phillips at her best...

Palestinian statelessness was obviously uppermost in the minds of the Islamists who blew up Mumbai; it was obviously the reason they bombed Spain to help along the restoration of the caliphate and tried to do the same to France, that legendary ally of Israel; it's obviously the driving passion of the Chechen Islamist separatists; it's obviously the rallying cry of the Islamists in Indonesia who intend to Islamise southern Asia; it's obviously the reason Islamists are persecuting, murdering and driving out Christians across the Third World from Sudan and Nigeria to Bethlehem and Gaza.

For various reasons, however, this idiotic but deeply ideological analysis is now accepted by many non-ideological folk as axiomatic. They are all fixated by the delusion that a Palestine state is the key to peace between Israel and the Arabs. It is not.

Read the rest.

Jewish Trivia Quizzes

Lots of different topics and levels. Nu, if you have some time to kill, you could do worse.

Click here for the quizzes.

Blaming Jews for Muslim Terror Against Christians

In an article about Christian apprehensions over Pope Benedict's visit to the Middle East, Time's Andrew Lee Butters blames Muslim intolerance on the Jews and the West: "Clash-of-civilizations pundits and Western leaders like the Pope often ignore how the West helped spark such intolerance, especially through its one-sided support of Israel."

He goes on to imply that the Muslim Brotherhood, for one, isn’t ultimately responsible for “small-scale terror” against the Christians it carries out. It’s really Israel’s presence in the Palestinian territories that is behind it all.

Read the rest at Honest Reporting. As Menachim Begin once said, "Goyim kill goyim and then they blame the Jews."

Missing the ‘piece process’

Jonathan Rosenblum writes...

The message the Palestinians are hearing is: Just sit tight and we [the Americans] will get you your state, without you doing anything. The obsession with Israel's acceptance of the "two-state solution" is based on the assumption that the eventual outcome is known in advance, and it might as well be sooner than later. That is what the President means when he says that at some point the parties have to stop talking because we can't wait forever.

Read the rest.

More on Linking the Containment of Iran with Establishing a Palestinian State

Mona Charen writes a pointed essay...

Obama has sent abundant signals that his foreign policy is 50 percent wishful thinking and 50 percent leftwing mush. There may not be any easy answers to the problem of a nuclear Iran. But pressuring Israel to take suicidal risks is clearly the worst possible approach. Iran will conclude, as its proxies Hezbollah and Hamas at various times concluded, that force and the threat of force work.

Read the rest.

Is the Gray Lady Making Amends to Jews?

Dick Weltz looks at what might be a cynical marketing strategy of The NY Times...

Despite this long history [of anti-Jewish/Israel bias], it appears that the Gray Lady has lately taken to running articles that might be construed as designed to salve the feeling of the Jewish -- particularly Orthodox and Chasidic -- communities, among whom there may well have been a precipitous decline in support and circulation, at least, judging by the anecdotal evidence I see by comments in the Jewish Forum and from my personal friends and acquaintances.

Read the rest.

Seinfeld in Yiddish

'No Jews' policy employed at Austria hotel

A hotel in the Austrian region of Tyrol that said it does not accept Jewish guests has caused shock in the local media and tourism industry, the daily Tiroler Tageszeitung reported Sunday.

A Vienna family of seven had had tried to make a reservation at the Haus Sonnenhof apartment hotel in the village of Serfaus, but the owner replied by e-mail that although the room was free, she did not want to take in Jewish guests because of "bad experiences" in the past.

And here's the rest of the article. Some things never change.

An Arab-Made Misery

Wonderful essay...


The media tend to attribute Gaza's decline solely to Israeli military and economic actions against Hamas. But such a myopic analysis ignores the problem's root cause: 60 years of Arab policy aimed at cementing the Palestinian people's status as stateless refugees in order to use their suffering as a weapon against Israel.

Read the rest.

Charles Krauthammer, in his usual fine form...

The Times conducted a five-hour interview with Hamas leader Khaled Meshal at his Damascus headquarters. Mirabile dictum, they're offering a peace plan with a two-state solution. Except. The offer is not a peace but a truce that expires after 10 years. Meaning that after Israel has fatally weakened itself by settling millions of hostile Arab refugees in its midst, and after a decade of Hamas arming itself within a Palestinian state that narrows Israel to eight miles wide — Hamas restarts the war against a country it remains pledged to eradicate.

There is a phrase for such a peace: the peace of the grave.

Read the rest here (and you'll just love the opening).

Classic Palestinian Slapstick...and the world eats it up

The cartoon theme now and forever playing...

Yisrael Campbell, Orthodox Comedian

Interesting profile of a Catholic boy -- "I was Catholic enough to know I was going to hell." -- who converted and became an Orthodox Jew, complete with payess...and also a stand-up comedian. Read the profile here.

And here's a sample...you decide if he's funny.

Guardian Columnist Justifies Terror

From Honest Reporting:

[Jonathan] Steele not only justifies Palestinian violence, he also offers tacit support for foreign leaders who give it their backing:

Until Israel pulls back to the 1967 borders, give or take some land swaps, under international agreement, Palestinian resistance will continue – and other states will be entitled to support it.

Of course, Steele could just as reasonably have concluded that there can be no Israeli withdrawal to the 1967 border as long as “resistance” – a Palestinian term for terrorism – continues. But that would mean acknowledging that terrorism exists. Instead, Steele whitewashes Hamas’s record as a terrorist organization. “Now that Hamas is independent, strong and popular,” he writes, “Israel sees it as the new target.”

In other words, Israel acts against Hamas because it is popular, not because it fires rockets at Israeli civilians, smuggles weapons into the Gaza Strip, or threatens to destroy the Jewish state. He also fails to mention that Israel’s withdrawal from Gaza in 2005 – a pullback to the 1967 border in that area – resulted in more violence against Israel, undermining his implicit claim that violence would stop if only Israel would withdraw.

The rest of this excellent article is here. It tackles what is becoming the rule rather than the exception in the mainstream press.

Kosher Tequila

NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York restaurant said the city's first kosher tequila arrived at the eatery just in time for Cinco de Mayo.

"You know the song 'Hava Nagila'? We're saying Have a Tequila," [the restaurant owner] said.

Restaurant serves kosher tequila - ArcaMax Publishing (7 May 2009)

Blaming Jews for the Economic Crisis

Neil Malhotra and Yotam Margalit conducted a survey of American attitudes toward the economy...

In order to assess explicit prejudice toward Jews, we directly asked respondents "How much to blame were the Jews for the financial crisis?" with responses falling under five categories: a great deal, a lot, a moderate amount, a little, not at all. Among non-Jewish respondents, a strikingly high 24.6 percent of Americans blamed "the Jews" a moderate amount or more, and 38.4 percent attributed at least some level of blame to the group.

Interestingly, Democrats were especially prone to blaming Jews: while 32 percent of Democrats accorded at least moderate blame, only 18.4 percent of Republicans did so (a statistically significant difference). This difference is somewhat surprising given the presumed higher degree of racial tolerance among liberals and the fact that Jews are a central part of the Democratic Party's electoral coalition.

Read the rest of the article in the Boston Review.

Jack Kemp and the Jews

Throughout his life, Mr. Kemp defied the old stereotype of conservatives who were indifferent to the concerns of racial or religious minorities.

As an American Football League star in 1965, he pressured the league to move its all-star game out of New Orleans because African-American players were excluded from the city's nightclubs. As secretary of Housing and Urban Development from 1988 to 1992, he promoted projects to help disadvantaged inner-city residents. And in 2004, he played a leading role in a crucial fight against the rising tide of global anti-Semitism.

Read more.

Oxymoronic Anti-Semitic Tactics

Anti-Semites long ago perfected the mental gymnastics of simultaneously holding contradictory calumnies and fervently believing both to be true: Jews are bloodsucking capitalists and Jews are wild-eyed revolutionaries; Jews are the secret puppeteers of the world and Jews are the parasites living off the labor of others.

To this roster of oxymorons, so cherished by the hateful, we may now add another. More and more, the rhetorical assault of choice against Israel, and by inference against Jews, is that they are Nazis.

Read the rest of this excellent and pointed opinion piece here.

Mahmoud Cancels L.A. Hate Tour

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad canceled his visit to Latin America one day after Jewish-led protests in Brazil. No reason was given for the cancellation, which was announced Monday by the Iranian news agency IRNA.
Finally, some good news, though I don't know how much Jewish protests had to do with it.
--Max

If Only Those Jews Would Cooperate, World Peace Could Be Attained

Well, it's official. The issue of Iran's nukes hinges on Israel reaching an accord with the Palestinians. Next, we'll hear from this administration that the Israeli-Palestinian issue is causing the Iraqis to blow each other up.
--Max

The task of forming an international coalition to thwart Iran's nuclear program will be made easier if progress is made in peace negotiations between Israel and the Palestinians, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel has said, according to sources in Washington.

Here's the rest.

Islamism is winning...

...and Obama's apologies to the Muslim world won't stop it. Caroline Glick points out that:

Islamists have won every free or partially free election in the region for the past six years. Beginning with Turkey's Islamist AKP party's first electoral victory in 2003 — followed by its even more decisive reelection in last year's race; moving to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's election in the relatively free, (although not open), presidential elections in his country in 2005, to the Muslim Brotherhood candidates' sweep of nearly all electoral races they were permitted to contest in Egypt's 2005 parliamentary elections, to Hamas's electoral victory in the Palestinian Authority's legislative elections in 2006, the Islamist candidates and parties have been victorious in state after state.

Here's the rest of the article.

Book Proposals

Here's a short, humorous satire on book proposals...

Excerpt: "The Boys and Girls on the Bus: Undercover with the Birthright Kids" — What really goes on during those 10-day, free trips to Israel for young people? And do you really want to know? I mean, isn't it enough that they're having a good time with other Jewish kids? So she fell in love with the sabra security guard — why complain? It's a phase. They all go through phases. What's that? He wants to come back with her to the States? Gevalt. Listen, tell her you're not going to help with the rent on her Upper West Side studio if he's going to use it to lounge around and pursue a cockamamie "music" career.

The rest of the article is here.

The Death of Jewish Republicanism?

Arlen Specter, opportunist above all...

The strange journey of Arlen Specter from Democrat to Republican and back again to the Democrats is a story of one man's unbridled ambition and political expediency, not the tale of a party held hostage by the right.

Open Letter to Brazil's President

David Harris writes, in the Jerusalem Post:



Dear President Lula,

Why?

Why would such a respected world leader welcome an international outcast like Iranian President Ahmadinejad to Brasilia on May 6?

Why would you confer your considerable international legitimacy on such an individual - within weeks, no less, of a walkout by dozens of nations during Ahmadinejad's hate-filled speech in the halls of the UN in Geneva?

Steven Spielberg Jewish Film Archive

When you have some time, this is a wonderful resource, with over 400 films (many different lengths) available for viewing.

Steven Spielberg Jewish Film Archive

Jewish death camp boxer dead at 86

Salamo Arouch, a Jewish boxer who survived the Auschwitz death camp by fighting exhibition bouts for Nazi officers and inspired a Hollywood movie about his life, has died in Israel, the Haaretz newspaper reported Thursday.

Jewish Sports Hall of Fame Honors Andre Tippett

He doesn't look Jewish...



The image of a 6-foot-3-inch, 250-pound African-American football player doesn't typically bring to mind "Great Jewish Athlete." Andre Tippett, five-time All-Pro linebacker for the New England Patriots and National Football League Hall of Famer, is changing that.

The Frummer With a Super Bowl Ring

Alan Veingrad won the Super Bowl as a member of the Dallas Cowboys; now he puts on T'fillin every morning.

Israel warns EU to tone down its criticism

The warning came after EU's commissioner for external relations, Benita Ferrero-Waldner, this week criticized Israel's refusal to endorse a Palestinian state. She said an upgrade in Israeli-EU relations would depend on Israel's commitment to the "two-state solution."

And we all know how committed Hamas is to a two-state solution. The hypocrisy here should win some sort of award.
--Max

Seder in the White House, Oy Vey

Carol Schwartz has a different view of Obama's photo-op Seder...

For those of us whose memory is longer than a week, we recognize this "act of brotherly love" as not quite "different" at all. Jewish history tells us that when we are warmly welcomed into the arms of countries in which we have been exiled, our downfall in those "host cultures" cannot be far behind.

Read the rest.

Auschwitz message in a bottle

Workers demolishing the wall of a building that once belonged to the former Nazi Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp have found a message in a bottle written by prisoners 65 years ago.


Poignant story, though lacking in details at this time. Click here.

What Israel's Arab neighbors grasp that the Obama administration won't

Caroline Glick -- always sharp though (frequently long-winded) -- scores again with this biting commentary:

It is a strange situation when Egypt and Jordan feel it necessary to defend Israel against American criticism. But this is the situation in which we find ourselves today.

Read the rest...

Elie Wiesel Verbally Abused as "Zio-Nazi" by Ahmadinejad Entourage

Wiesel was dignified and silent in the face of these scumbags. These are the guys, though, who control the UN.

Hate-Filled Bizarros Boycotting Starbucks

If these hate-filled morons ever took the time to actually research anything, they'd find that the original Starbucks logo featured a mermaid with breasts, but that she has been made more modest through the years. The truth, however, would interfere with their bizarro, poison-filled point of view.

The Execution

These eyewitness accounts of Jewish life under the Nazis are very sad but also very important.

Today, the sixth of June, is a day the Jews of Shavli can never forget. We will forever be haunted by the memories of that awful day, six years ago, when Betzalel M., of blessed memory, was brought from his six-day imprisonment to be publicly murdered in the ghetto.

American Christian building Jewish library in Lithuania

An American Christian of British and Irish descent has embarked on an ambitious project to create a Jewish library in Vilnius (Vilna), whose legendary Jewish community was virtually wiped out by the Nazis in Lithuania.

Wyman Brent, a 45-year-old Baptist originally from Lynchburg, Va., is using his own funds to build the library, but his project is backed by a corps of supporters ranging from British historian Sir Martin Gilbert to the co-founder of the National Organization for Women, Sonia Pressman Fuentes.

"I've always loved libraries and I'm fascinated with Jewish culture," said Brent, who hopes to have the library up and running by 2010, the 65th anniversary of the end of World War II.

Read more about this wonderful project.

The Last Jew in Afghanistan

This short documentary, on the NY Times web site, doesn't establish why this guy is staying despite his isolation, but it's interesting nonetheless.

Of course, the Taliban ransacked the synagogue.

Will Hillary Fund Hamas?

A House subcommittee challenged Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Thursday for seeking the flexibility to support a potential Palestinian coalition government that she acknowledges may never materialize. The stumbling block for Rep. Steve Rothman, D-N.J., and several other Democrats and Republicans on the subcommittee that funds the State Department was whether members of the Iranian-backed Islamic [terrorist] group Hamas could end up in a government that gets U.S. aid.

"We intend to hold any entity that receives American aid to a very high standard," said Clinton.

Where does Hillary get her credentials on assessing high standards? Certainly not from her husband's administration.
--Max

The teenager who exposed Auschwitz

This month marks the 65th anniversary of a daring escape from Auschwitz, by a teenager who then revealed the truth about the death camp - only to be ignored by the Allied leadership.

In March 1944, the Germans occupied Hungary and began preparing to deport that country's Jews - numbering approximately 750,0000 - to Auschwitz. A 19-year-old prisoner named Rudolf Vrba, together with fellow-inmate Alfred Wetzler, decided to do something that almost nobody had ever done before: escape from Auschwitz. They were determined to alert the world about the doom that Hungarian Jews would soon face.

Nothing (humor)

One Yom Kippur, in a little Orthodox shul, the rabbi stops in the middle of the service, prostrates himself beside the bima, and cries out, “O G-d. Before You, I am nothing!”

The chazen is so moved by this demonstration of piety that he immediately follows suit, throwing himself to the floor beside the rabbi and crying, 'O G-d! Before you, I am nothing!”

In the ensuing silence, a shuffling is heard in the back row. Saul Blumenthal jumps from his seat, prostrates himself in the isle and cries, “O G-d! Before You, I am nothing!”

Seeing this, the chazen nudges the rabbi and whispers, “So, look who thinks he’s nothing.”

Iran's Drive for Nukes: Point of No Return?

Nothing new here, but a compelling video nonetheless from the AJC. Please share it with your friends.

World's Racist-in-Chief

Good writing by someone at the AJC...

April 20, 2009 – Geneva – AJC, reacting to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's anti-Semitic speech today at the Durban Review Conference, denounced the Iranian leader as the "world's racist-in-chief."

"It's a sad day when the UN gives an advocate of genocide the spotlight at a supposed anti-racism conference – on the eve of Holocaust Remembrance Day, no less," said AJC Executive Director David Harris, who is in Geneva with a large group of AJC activists. "Ahmadinejad has repeatedly called for the destruction of another UN member state, Israel, and trampled on the human rights of his own people. He makes a mockery of the struggle against racism."

AJC commended those delegations, including several European countries and Morocco, that walked out of the hall in protest during Ahmadinejad's remarks.

Harris continued, "These nations have sent a message that Holocaust denial and incitement to genocide are unacceptable to the community of civilized nations. We hope they will now consider joining the nine countries that commendably avoided the conference from the start."

Before his departure from Tehran, Ahmadinejad again accused "Zionists" of controlling global financial markets, media, and politics, returning to a familiar theme for the "world's racist-in-chief."

Link to AJC

Soviet Era Humor

Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian government:

Govt. Official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?"

No reply.

Government official asks the question again.

And still not reply.

Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater."

Why Some Self-Loathing Jews Didn't Celebrate Passover

Did you observe Passover? The Huffington Post (April 9) headlined a piece by Rabbi Michael Lerner, "Pharaohs Can't Celebrate Passover." If you supported Israel's Gaza war, the pharaoh is you. According to several recent political cartoons, if you support Israel, Hitler is you, too. The rest of the article is here.

This type probably would have joined with the Nazis in blaming Kristallnacht on the Jews.

Jew or Not Jew

This site is written factually but with a strong dose of humor, including the author's personal likes and dislikes about the various people profiled. Be sure to check the "About the Jew Score" link (lower left on home page) before reading the profiles. http://www.jewornotjew.com/index.jsp

Holocaust-Denier Kicks Off UN Anti-Racism Conference

You have to give Ahmadinejad and friends credit for balls, and for being consistent adherents to the Nazis' "Big Lie" strategy.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's appearance in Geneva Monday at the UN's so-called anti-racism conference, Durban II, made the point better than anyone else...The "Zionist regime" had been created "on the pretext of Jewish sufferings and the ambiguous and dubious question of holocaust."

Nice commentary by Anne Bayefsky

Tattoos from Auschwitz horror bring late-life joy

As terrified teenagers 65 years ago, Menachem Sholowicz and Anshel Sieradzki stood one ahead of the other in Auschwitz, having serial numbers tattooed on their arms. Sholowicz was B-14594; Sieradzki was B-14595.

The two Polish Jews had never met, they never spoke and they were quickly separated. Each survived the Nazi death camp, moved to Israel, married, and became grandfathers. They didn't meet again until a few weeks ago, having stumbled upon each other through the Internet. Late in life, the two men speak daily, suddenly partners who share their darkest traumas.

"We are blood brothers," said Sieradzki, 81. "The moment I meet someone who was there with me, who went through what I went through, who saw what I saw, who felt what I felt - at that moment we are brothers."

The twist of fate doesn't end there. Two brothers who were with them in the tattooist's line have made contact since hearing of their story. The story continues here...

Never Since the 1930s

Eloquent op-ed piece from the Jerusalem Post...

"In those days before the war," Chaim Weizmann said in recalling international vexation with the Jews, "our protests were regarded as provocations. Our very refusal to subscribe to our own death sentence became a public nuisance."

Words that could be spoken today.

Read the full text.

Holcaust Education Links

Holocaust Remembrance Day is Tuesday, April 21, 2009. This website has 167 links to learn about the Holocaust. Site languages include English, Hebrew, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Russian and Spanish.

The web address is:

http://www.jr.co.il/hotsites/j-holoc.htm

Classified Ad (humor)

In the University of Texas student newspaper: Sweet, little old Jewish lady wishes to correspond with UT undergraduate. Prefers six-foot male with brown eyes answering to initials J.D.B.
Signed, His Mother

The Anti-Madoff

If someone can give me the source for this article, I will edit it down to a few sentences and link to the original...


Leonard Abess Jr.
The Jewish banker who gave away $60 million of his own money

It is February 24, 2009 and Leonard Abess Jr. is seated beside Michelle Obama in the gallery of the Chamber of the United States House of Representatives, the guest of the First Lady, as her husband, President Barack Obama addresses a joint session of Congress in a nationally televised speech. The members of Congress, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the sitting Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States rise, face Abess and break out into admiring applause. They have just heard President Obama say:

“…inspiration often comes not from those with the most power or celebrity, but
from the dreams and aspirations of Americans who are anything but ordinary.
I think about Leonard Abess, the bank president from Miami who reportedly
cashed out of his company, took a $60 million bonus and gave it out to all 399
people who worked for him, plus another 72 who used to work for him. He didn’t
tell anyone, but when the local newspaper found out, he simply said, ‘I knew
some of these people since I was 7 years old. I didn’t feel right getting the money
myself’.”

Leonard Abess is Jewish. Why do I accentuate this? Because of the proclivity of those who view Bernie Madoff as that ‘Jewish’ fraudster. No one refers to Jeffrey Skilling or Bernard Ebers or Dennis Kozlowski as that ‘Gentile’ crook. So I choose to emphasize the Jewishness of one who does good.

The City National Bank of Florida, the second oldest commercial bank in Miami, was established, with $500,000 of capital, in 1946 by Abess’ father, Leonard L. Abess Sr., an accountant and his partner Baron de Hirsch Meyer, a lawyer.

The senior Abess, who passed away in 2001, arrived in Miami in 1925 with $75 in his pocket. The following year he met Meyer at a party and that same night they formed a 48-year partnership with a promise that they would always return a share of their earnings to the community. Abess Sr. became a pillar of the Jewish community and a generous supporter of both Jewish and universal causes ranging from the University of Miami to the Jewish Museum of Florida. He and his wife were named Miami-Dade County, Philanthropists of the Year for 1990-91 and both a boulevard and a park are named after him.

Baron de Hirsch Meyer was not really a baron but was a Jewish guy from Wisconsin. His parents named their son after the original Baron de Hirsch the noted Jewish philanthropist who was instrumental in securing the emigration of Jews from tsarist Russia. The absence of a genuine title did not deter Meyer’s wife from signing into European hotels as the ‘Baroness’ de Hirsch Meyer.

Leonard Abess Jr. started his career in City National Bank’s print shop making forms and documents and worked his way up the corporate ladder from there but he did not inherit the Bank from his father. The Bank was sold to an investor group in the early 1980s that in turn flipped majority interest to Colombian coffee magnate Alberto Duque. Duque turned out to be a crook who was convicted and jailed for defrauding 20 banks out of $125 million dollars by issuing fake bills of lading drawn on nonexistent inventories of coffee beans. Duque’s interest in the Bank went up for sale in bankruptcy proceedings from where in 1985 it was purchased by Abess for $21 million, all of it borrowed. He later purchased the minority interest in the Bank for another $6 million.

At the age of 35, Leonard Abess became one of America’s youngest bank chairmen. Under Abess’ steerage, the Bank grew from seven branches with $400 million in assets to 18 branches with $2.75 billion in assets and consistently ranked in the top 50 of all large U.S. banks in terms of profitability and asset quality.

As the Bank grew so did Abess’ community involvement. He is Vice Chairman of the University of Miami’s Board of Trustees, former Chairman of the Board of Mount Sinai Medical Centre, member of the United Way Million Dollar Roundtable, Board member of The Greater Miami Jewish Federation and a member of its Summit Division, those who donate over $100,000 a year to the United Jewish Appeal. A devoted environmentalist, Abess has endowed millions of dollars for environmental studies. Following in his parent’s footsteps, Leonard and his wife, Jayne were named Miami-Dade County, Philanthropists of the Year for 2001-02.

Over the years many suitors had attempted to purchase City National Bank but all were rebuffed by Abess. That is until Caja Madrid, the second largest bank in Spain, came along and made Abess an offer he could not refuse. They would permit Abess to maintain a minority interest and continue to run the Bank, the jobs of all employees would be secure and Caja Madrid shared Abess’ philosophy of giving a substantial amount of their profits back to the community. And so in 2008, Abess sold an 83% interest in City National Bank to Caja Madrid for $977 million.

Abess had long dreamt of a way to reward the employees of the Bank who had worked with no promise of equity and whose 401(k) Retirement Plans were now ravaged by the stock market meltdown. He thought he would surprise them. He never believed that the Bank’s success was about him but rather was about the 399 wonderful, decent people who worked for him. Some had spent their entire careers at the Bank, several rising from low-level jobs to vice-presidential positions. “I saw that if the president doesn’t come to work, it’s not a big deal. But if the teller doesn’t show up, it’s a serious problem”, he stated. Some warned him that dropping large cheques on the employees was not a good idea but Abess did not listen.

So, what Leonard Abess did was simply take $60 million of his own money and quietly hand it out to all 399 people who worked for him; clerks, tellers, bookkeepers, secretaries, janitors, executives, everyone on the payroll. He even tracked down 72 former employees so that they might share in the largesse. The amount each received was based on the number of years of service. The average bonus exceeded $100,000.

Fearful that his employees might misconstrue the bonuses as severance, immediately before the sale of the Bank was completed, in order to announce the payments, Abess made an online video explaining to the Bank’s staff that each was to receive a payment as gratitude for service and that all jobs were secure. Three days later, senior executives handed out vouchers detailing the amount deposited to each employee’s payroll account.

Abess didn’t publicize what he had done and did not make a big deal over the payments. He didn’t even show up at the Bank the day the bonus envelopes were distributed.

At a time when the heads of the American big three automakers were flying to Washington in their private corporate jets to beg for bailout money; when the senior executives of banks were taking obscene bonuses while their banks were failing; when the greed and recklessness of Wall Street was one of the causes of the economic tailspin, Abess, against type, was giving back. The actions of Leonard Abess Jr. stand for confirmation that the days of Gordon Gekko, the “greed is good” character in the movie “Wall Street”, are drawing to a close.

According to the ancient Jewish fable of the “Lamed-Vav Tzadikim”, there are at all times 36 righteous people whose role in life is to justify the purpose of humankind in the eyes of God. For the sake of these 36, God preserves the world even if the rest of humanity has degenerated to the level of barbarism. They are unknown even to each other and to themselves. If the identity of one is discovered, he may no longer be a Lamed-Vavnik and if at any time the number should be less than 36, the world will come to an end. While it may be okay to speculate who any of these righteous people might be, out of cautious fear of calamity, I dare not mention the name, Leonard Abess Jr.

Explaining Talmud (humor, in a way)

"Rabbi," the man said, "Explain the Talmud to me."

"Very well," he said. "First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

"The dirty one," answers the man.

"No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes himself." "Now, another question: If two men climb up a chimney and
one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

The man smiles and says, "You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean washes himself because he thinks he is dirty."

"No," says the Rabbi. "If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows he doesn't have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself." "Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes
out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"

"I don't know, Rabbi. Depending on your point of view, it could be either one."

Again the Rabbi says, "No. If two men climb up a chimney, how could one man remain clean? They both are dirty, and they both wash themselves."

The confused man said, "Rabbi, you asked me the same question three times and you gave me three different answers. Is this some kind of a joke?"

"This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud."

Powerful Rebbes (humor)

Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: "My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle." To which the second retorted, "That's nothing. My rebbe is even more powerful. He was walking once, and there was a huge mountain in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was mountain on the right, mountain on the left, but no mountain in the middle!" Said the third, "Ha! That is still nothing! My rebbe is the most powerful. He was walking once on Shabbos (Saturday, the holy day in Judaism, on which it is forbidden to handle money), and there was a suitcase crammed full of cash in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and it was Shabbos on the right, Shabbos on the left, but in the middle, it was Monday!"

Obama Demotes the Jews

Edward Alexander has a great piece. in Commentary...

In his inaugural address President Obama jettisoned the long-established locution that embodies the generally-accepted notion of "the Judeo-Christian tradition." That tradition, in America, mandates the phrase "Christians and Jews," with Christians in first place for the good reason that the roots of this country and most of those who founded it are Christian. Obama, however, said on January 20 that "We are a nation of Christians and Muslims," and then, after a slight pause, "Jews and Hindus," another slight pause, "and unbelievers." Later, in his Al-arabiya interview, he demoted the Jews still further, calling America a country of "Muslims, Christians, Jews." Obama's actions (and inactions) with respect to Jewish concerns suggest that this demotion is real and not merely verbal.

He concludes with something I can't top:

James Baker once, with typical nastiness, alluded to it when he responded to expressions of American-Jewish unhappiness with his Middle East policies as follows: "F- the Jews, they don't vote for us anyway." Now Barack Obama seems to be saying: "F- the Jews, they always vote for us anyway."

Read the full piece here.

List of Yiddish Words and Expressions

This is a wonderful and lengthy compilation of Yiddish terms. Don't be a schmuck; check it out!

Why Boycott Israel? (A blogger's detailed response)

Michael Horesh lays out all the trendy reasons for boycotting Israeli products and exposes the hypocrisy behind them. He concludes, "History will judge any future boycott as a triumph of evil; a deliberately racist tool, based on a combination of misinformation, phobias and enmity."

Personally, I think he is too kind in giving many of the boycott pushers the benefit of the doubt when it comes to anti-semitic leanings.
--Max

Camel (humor)

An American Jew immigrates to Israel, settles in
Tel-Aviv, and gets an office job. After awhile he
feels as if he's missing out on all the local color
of being in the Middle East. So he buys a camel,
and rides it to work every day, while Israelis whiz
pass him on the highway in their cars.

One day his camel is stolen, so he goes to report
it to the police. The policeman takes out a 'missing
camel' form and starts to ask questions.

"This camel of yours, what color was it?"

The man responds, "Well, it was sort of gray...
kind of brown... I don't really remember."

The policeman writes, 'Color:Unknown'.

"How many humps did the camel have?"

"Well...it's hard to say...I had a saddle on it and
I couldn't tell the number of humps."

The officer writes, 'Humps: unknown'.

"What sex was the camel?"

The man responds, "it was a male."

The cop asks," You didn't know what color it
was, or how many humps it had, so how do
you know the sex?"

The man responds, "That's easy! Because every
time I would ride him to work down the highway,
every Israeli who saw us go by would say, 'Look
at the big schmuck on the camel!.'"

Obama Apologizes and Apologizes

Excellent commentary from Carolyn Glick...


Somewhere between apologizing for American history — both distant and recent; genuflecting before the unelected, bigoted king of Saudi Arabia; announcing that he will slash the US's nuclear arsenal, scrap much of America's missile defense programs and emasculate the US Navy; leaving Japan to face North Korea and China alone; telling the Czechs, Poles and their fellow former Soviet colonies, "Don't worry, be happy," as he leaves them to Moscow's tender mercies; humiliating Iraq's leaders while kowtowing to Iran; preparing for an open confrontation with Israel; and thanking Islam for its great contribution to American history, President Obama made clear to the world's aggressors that America will not be confronting them for the foreseeable future.

Click here to read the full article.

Roger The Tool's Latest Idiocy

Ed Lasky has a nice piece today on Roger The Tool:

"Roger Cohen's serial work on behalf of an Iranian regime widely considered the number one sponsor of terror in the world (so designated by President Clinton, before the "axis of evil days") is becoming tiresome.

Today, he serves as a mouthpiece not just for Iran but for the feckless Mohammed El-Baradei, the outgoing head of the International Atomic Energy Agency. El-Baradei and Cohen blame George Bush's treatment of Iran for prompting it to develop its nuclear weapons program. This is absurd, of course.

Iran's nuclear program began at least two decades ago."

It's hard for me to figure exactly what Cohen is:
a. A stupid ostrich
b. A self-loathing Jew
c. A secret lobbyist for Iran
d. Just another NY Times reporter

Well, for sure, he's dangerous for Israel.

--Max

The Convert (humor)

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a king who had
a Jewish advisor. The king relied so much on the wisdom of his
Jewish advisor that one day he decided to elevate him to head
advisor. After it was announced, the other advisors objected.
After all, it was bad enough just to sit in counsel with a Jew.
But to allow one to 'Lord it over them,' was just too much to bear.

Being a compassionate ruler, the King agreed with them, and ordered
the Jew to convert. What could the Jew do? One had to obey the King,
and so he did. As soon as the act was done, the Jew felt great
remorse for this terrible decision. As days became weeks, his remorse
turned to despondency, and as months passed, his mental depression
took its toll on his physical health. He became weaker and weaker.
Finally he could stand it no longer. His mind was made up. He burst
in on the king and cried, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I must die.
Do what you want with me, but I can no longer deny my faith."

The King was very surprised. He had no idea that the Jew felt so
strongly about it. "Well, if that is how you feel," he said, "then
the other advisors will just have to learn to live with it.
Your counsel is much too important to me to do without.
Go and be a Jew again" he said.

The Jew felt elated. He hurried back home to tell the good news
to his family. He felt the strength surge back into his body as
he ran. Finally, he burst into the house and called out to his wife.
"Rifka, Rifka, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again."
His wife GLARED back at him angrily and said, "You couldn't wait
until after Passover?"

Matzoh for Lunch (humor)

A Jewish man took his Pesach lunch to eat outside in the park.  He sat down on a bench and began eating.
A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.  

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzoh to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers over the matzoh for 
a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this nonsense?"

Jews Portrayed as Blood Drinkers in Arab Play

The latest at MEMRI shows what passes for art in the depraved, hate-filled "culture" of Hamasistan. These excerpts are from a drama show presented at the Gaza Islamic University, during a festival commemorating Hamas founder Ahmad Yassin. The show aired on Al-Aqsa TV on April 4, 2009.

"You Must Drink From the Blood of Muslims. But Mix It With Soda Water"

"We Jews hate the Muslims. We love killing Muslims. We Jews love drinking the blood of Muslims and the blood of Arabs. Are you Arabs? Are you Muslims? I hate you. Yes, I hate you. I hate you in order to please God. In order to please God. In order to please God."

To view this clip, click here.

Seder Pick-Up Lines

Seder pickup lines:

Let's make this night really different from all others nights

What will you do to me for two zuzim?

What's a girl like you doing at a seder like this?

We've only got 18 minutes....

I like my matzah thin, like my women.

Maybe when Elijah comes, we can make it a threesome

I hear that horseradish is an aphrodisiac

Nice Hagadah

After four cups of wine, you look like Cindy Crawford

Honey, on this night we are supposed to recline, so let's get to it.

Seder? I hardly know her.

I bet I could make you sing Dayenu!

I've got four of my own terms for redemption

Did that just say we were in bondage?

I could never Pass you Over...

Don't call it a bitter herb until you taste it.

You're a 10 in my haggadah

Frogs.....ever kiss a frog?

I'm going to have to search you for chometz

How's about we go re-live the "Darkness" plague up in my room.

I'm like one of the four sons; let me show you how wicked I can be.

Israel tests system to shoot down Iranian missiles

Of course, if Israel ever actually shot one down, the UN would condemn it as the aggressor against a poor, defenseless, "homemade" missile.

Here's the story.

The man who did for matzoh what Henry Ford did for cars

One of the world's top matza manufacturers got started with a simple premise: "I'm going to bake matzas this year. ...We'll see how it goes."

That's what 19th century Rabbi Dov Behr Manischewitz is said to have told his wife after they arrived in America, Jewish immigrants from Lithuania struggling to survive and to create something new.

In 1888, he founded the company that revolutionized production of the unleavened bread at the core of Jewish ritual meals, turning it into a mass-marketed, packaged product.

A Year in Treblinka

My grandfather said the Jewish newspapers had accounts of the Holocaust long before the war was over. Here is one.

The Jewish Knight (humor)

Old but appropriate...

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is
to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps
him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he
panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then,
thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a
foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder: "Ma
nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this
knight different from all other knights?"

Misguided Jews Urge Boycott of Israeli Passover Wines

Hundreds of supporters from Toronto's Jewish community descended upon the Summerhill LCBO to promote the sale of Israeli wine for Passover celebrations, Sunday, April 5, 2009. About 30 Palestinian sympathizers from the Jewish community called for a boycott of the wine.

Misguided is the nicest word we can use for them. They must be dutiful readers of the NY Times. --Max

Israeli and Palestinians Cooperate...To Rob A Bank

An Israeli and a group of Palestinians last week set aside their differences in order to carry out an armed bank robbery, Palestinian police said.

The heist at a bank in the West Bank town of Ramallah on Tuesday (local time) was carried out by six armed gunmen who made off with some $US30,000 ($43,000) according to security officials.

If only Hamas was so far-thinking. -- Max

How to Break a Matzoh Exactly in Half

Leave it to the Japanese. Watch the demonstration; no knowledge of Japanese required.

NYT Equates Photo Retouching in Israel with Flogging A Woman in Pakistam

The NY Times is just relentless in its campaign to demonize Israel.

It carried a story with the headline: "Women Erased in Israel, Flogged in Pakistan and Restricted in Afghanistan." The Israel piece is that "Israeli newspapers 'aimed at ultra-Orthodox Jewish readers' digitally manipulated a photograph of the new Israeli government, to remove two female cabinet ministers," because Ultra-Orthodox newspapers consider it immodest to print images of women. The Pakistan story involves a woman flogged 34 times in front of a crowd.

Yeah, those are equivalent.

Read the commentary here.

If the Passover Story Were Reported by The New York Times

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness,
the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.

The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery.

"The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments. "The Egyptians are really a very nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable once you get to know him," gushes Shapiro.

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive.

"Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah
declared.

The Five- Minute Haggadah

Found in my e-mail...

The Five- Minute Haggadah: A Passover service for the impatient

By Michael Rubiner

Opening prayers:

Thanks, G-d, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:

1. What's up with the matzoh?

2. What's the deal with horseradish?

3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?

4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.

2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.

3. It's called symbolism.

4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

Wise child—explain Passover.

Simple child—explain Passover slowly.

Silent child—explain Passover loudly.

Wicked child—browbeat in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. G-d brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. G-d parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice—you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":

If G-d had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If He'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough. If He'd parted the Red Sea—(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch. Thanks again, G-d, for everything.

SERVE MEAL.